Whether it's a blessing or a lesson

Let me share some thoughts ~ 

The "intuitive" one. sometimes this voice try to convince me about something, once i follow the direction they lead me to a good thing, its a blessing, indeed. but a moment before it happens this voice sounds annoying.. it makes my heartbeat going faster and makes me nervous. i can't think clearly.. 

Next , I have a good memory, specially remembering.. not just capturing :) the difference? remembering is re - feel the deep emotion of something. it's not a good idea when i kept remembering about a wound or bad things. i can be the most spiteful person, that's why i always try to avoid the fight or any kind bad impression on other people.  But the problem is, i can remember all the details with a specific emotion in it. the effect? i feel nausea.. i feel the blurry all day, i don't care about anyone's opinion.. i'm working on my task and all activity, but i don't care about the result (quality), like a zombie. 

The worst? i forgot how to forget ... that's why i feel so bad when i become a spiteful person, sincerity problem? i don't think so, i don't know actually .. i just don't want to. 5 or 6 years ago this weird traits bring me to the weird situation. when i miss everything i left behind till i don't want to communicate with anyone. super stupid.

god give me those special traits, it helps me a lot but sometimes i have to be careful with this one, well.. since i read dale carnegie (strategy to win friends and bla bla) i'm always trying to be a good positive thinkers, some people said that they don't need motivator but not me.. some writer inspired me :) yeah i don't have any talents but my curiosity brought me "happiness".